Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
