I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
