Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
