Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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