I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
