Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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