The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
