So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
