We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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