What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
