DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
