We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize