i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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