We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
