Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
