so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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