Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
