I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
