I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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