Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
