I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo