y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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