i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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