if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize