Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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