I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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