haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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