It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
