Sry I called you an 8
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
