You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
