Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
