two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
