I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
