yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
