It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
