she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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