dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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