umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
