How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
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She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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