ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
