Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
