I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Randomize
