pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Soap is not a condiment
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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