Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
