Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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