There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
