Tell her she can't have a vagina
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
