Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will pee on everything he values.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
