Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
