haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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