dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
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