I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
