with your own penis?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
