Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
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How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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