you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
