My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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