is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
