I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When are your genitals available?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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