Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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