I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
