He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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