peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
