your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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