Soap is not a condiment
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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