just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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