he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
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As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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