Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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