I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
