Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
