Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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