I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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