Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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